Something had to give between the golf and the last supper. The desperate smash and grab raids down supermarket aisles after eighteen holes of golf, seeking inspiration and ingredients. Dishes served to the scream of the smoke alarm. Carbon. Carbon. Carbon.
There are people out there who can cook, work and play golf. Who can serve a sumptuous creation of light summer puddings or comforting casseroles on cold winter nights. Twirls, quenelles and roulades.
I do not belong to their ranks. Their ‘heaven on a spoon’ is my’ hell on a fork’. Oliver Twist’s famous “May I have some more?” line is not heard in this kitchen.
There are golf balls in the fruit bowl and a putter by the fridge.
I will never blast the socks off Raymond Blanc, win Master Chef or try and reach for the stars. Michelin stars. I would rather be a single figure golfer, but I know I have to up my game. I need to find dishes beyond spaghetti bolognaise, bangers and mash or left overs with bubble and squeak.
Supper for friends is on the back burner. After chicken breast in white wine sauce which resembled parrot in emulsion. Salmon en croute, which was more ‘jaws on a plate’. Burnt meringue, tongue stripping sorbet.
It is time to escape the culinary shackles of roast or chicken pie. Apple pie and ice cream.
There must be another page of the recipe book, beyond garlic bread and carrot cake. Bangers and mash and black cherry yoghurt.
Golf and gastronomy will learn to walk hand in hand. Smoke alarms, carbon and experiments will be banished forever. Between lob shots and drawn drives, I will follow the path of recipes, use ladles and re-ignite the taste buds of the family. I will climb my Everest. In the kitchen. And hear the Golf Police say:
“Please may I have some more?”(Oliver Twist)
Somewhere out in the cyber space, there are cooks who can point the way to culinary heaven. Tried and trusted recipes, passed down the generations or found on the internet or cookery book. Golfers who can combine fairway walking with the cooker and deliver heaven on a fork. Bliss on a spoon. Delight on a plate.
And so begins another chapter. Welcome to Golf Gastronomy……